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I got this one from a friend. How true!
Thought you might enjoy these. They are RIGHT on the mark!
>>
>> a. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
>> flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
>> chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against
that
>> freshly painted part you were drying.
>>
>> b. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere
>> under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint
>> whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you
to
>> say, "Ouch...."
>>
>> c. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in
their
>> holes until you die of old age
>> d. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
>>
>> e. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
>> principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
>> motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
>> dismal your future becomes.
>>
>> f. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
>> available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to
the
>> palm of your hand.
>>
>> g. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
>> flammable objects in your shop on fire.
>> Also handy for igniting the grease inside a wheel hub you're trying to
>> get the bearing race out of.
>>
>> h. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
>> motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or
1/2
>> socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
>>
>> i. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the
ground
>> after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack
>> handle firmly under the bumper.
>>
>> j. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile
>> upward off a hydraulic jack handle.
>>
>> k. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
>>
>> l. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another
>> hydraulic floor jack.
>>
>> m. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool
for
>> spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-do off your boot.
>>
>> n. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt
holes
>> and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
>>
>> o. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the
tensile
>> strength of bolts and fuel lines you may have forgotten to
>> disconnect.
>>
>> p.CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool
>> that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the
end
>> without the handle.
>>
>> q.AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
>>
>> r. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home builder's own tanning booth.
>> Sometimes called drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the
>> sunshine vitamin," which isn't otherwise found under cars at
>> night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt
>> light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might
be
>> used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge.
>> More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
>>
>> s.PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
>> paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used,
>> as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
>>
>> t.AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a
coal-burning
>> power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that
>> travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty
>> bolts last tightened 70 years ago by someone at Ford, and rounds
>> them off.
>>
>> u.PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
>> bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
>>
>> v.HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
>>
>> w.HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
is
>> used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from
>> the object we are trying to hit.
>>
>> x.MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
>> cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
well
>> on boxes containing seats, chrome and plastic parts.
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Tools
